Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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