That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
