I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
