I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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