I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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