I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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