dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
