alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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