i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
time to smoke my breakfast
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
