In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Green mimosas i think yes
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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