They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
