do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
