thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
