Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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