So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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