My Higher Power is John Stamos
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize