he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
