you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
