Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
