Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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