I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
