I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
