A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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