If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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