Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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