I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you inspire me to be a worse person
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
