I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
