Non-Jews are for practice
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
