i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
