His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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