I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
