would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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