theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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