enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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