he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
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I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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