Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
