On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
