I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize