I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
