just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
