hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This girl is more easily done than said...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
