I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
