So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
