well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
