Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
