I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
