does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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