No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
