I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Damn victory sex feels great
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
