:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
