so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
