I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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