He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize