I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
