so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
