I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
