So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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