No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
