I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
