I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
