There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
