maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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