i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
