i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize