i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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