perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
